Someone at work said to me this morning that he's really good at learning by trial and error but that unfortunately that means he makes a lot of errors. Said in jest, yet so wise.
I screw up on a daily basis, though I can't say I'm usually as quick to admit to my faults. I will say though, that if I've learned one thing over the years about cooking it's that no matter how long you've been at it, no matter how many cookbooks you own, food magazines you subscribe to or how many cooking shows you've watched, that you can still royally screw up dinner.
It doesn't happen all that often. And a lot of the times, it's not even that you've made something truly inedible. Maybe you overcooked it. Maybe you undercooked it. You might add too much salt. As in WAY too much salt. But it happens. Or maybe, it ends up being the kind of dish that you just can't share because it's so unattractive. You're own Quasimodo of supper-land.
So I gave up gluten for Lent. Don't ask why. I don't know. I'm not even Catholic. Regardless, when you want haluski 3 weeks in you'll find anything is possible. There's more debate over what makes a true haluski than there is over how to spell it (halusky, halushki, haluski?). Traditionally, it's an Eastern European potato-y dumpling not totally dissimilar to the Italain gnocchi that can be served with cabbage and onions sauteed in butter. The haluski I usually make though is the bastardized Pittsburgh tradition of egg noodle, cabbage, onion, and butter equivalent. Christ, what do I know? I'm Irish and Welsh.
So I can't have my haluski because I can't have noodles. And I can't make halusky because you need flour to bind the dumplings. So what do I do? Well, I handled my cabbage and onion as I normally would, but then I decided to bust out the food processor to grate about 3 pounds of golden potatoes into hashbrowns. I don't recommend this for a myriad of reasons. Firstly, washing a food processor is a bitch. I'm always worried I'm going to slice a finger off on one of the blades with their dangerous ninja-like sharpness. Secondly, despite your best effort, you will end up with a strange, overly buttery mashed potato-ish brown mess. If I were to make this again, I think I'd slice the potatoes or maybe even brunoise them to avoid this problem. But this isn't about fixing a mistake, so much as making the most out of one. Totally edible. It just won't look pretty.
This wasn't a high point in my culinary journey though life. It was gloopy and more than a little weird to look at. But I'm also honored and a little embarrassed to admit that is had this sort of charm and innocence like a newborn baby; how only the ones that create it can truly understand the beauty behind the discoloration and the mess. I'm the proud parent of an ugly dish of food. And that's important, you know: Being able to embrace the beauty in spite of the ugly. The bottom line is, this really was comfort food to the core, which was exactly what I needed. Although I may have erred in the process, I'm reminded that in a pinch, the Irish in me will always find a good, buttery use for a potato. And the perpetual screw up in me will make sure that I'm the only one brave enough to eat it.
Ugly Haluski
(Makes a whole heaping mess of the stuff)
1/2 large yellow onion, sliced thinly
1 medium head cabbage, sliced thinly (it's almost worth it to get the food processor out since you'll can do both the cabbage and the potatoes)
3 lbs golden potatoes, peeled and grated
1/4 cup chicken stock(use water if you want)
7 Tbsps butter
Garlic Powder
Your favorite salt blend (seasoning salt)
Cottage Cheese, to serve
Set the potatoes to boil in salted water while you prepare the cabbage and onions. Melt about 4 tablespoons butter in a large, non-stick skillet over medium high heat then add in onions. Season with salt and garlic powder then stir to sweat them. Add cabbage, layering more salt and garlic powder. Add stock, turn heat down to medium and let cook, stirring occasionally while you prepare a pan for the potatoes.
Drain potatoes then melt 1 tablespoon butter in pan over medium hear. Add potatoes in batches, sprinkling with salt and garlic powder as potatoes cook. Add to cabbage and onions and make next batch. Turn up heat on cabbage pan and let bottom layer start to brown. Continue process until all potatoes are added to cabbage mixture and potatoes have had a chance to brown up. If you'd like, stir in spoonfuls of cottage cheese before serving.
*Remember, you were warned. This won't win any beauty awards, but it will taste super!*